I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
