Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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