But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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