u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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