you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
