did you get engaged???
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
