I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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