Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
