I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
