i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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