i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
