WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
