(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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