It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
