i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
