After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
