singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
