i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
