mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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