you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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