dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We were destined to go to rehab together
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
