and she was petting her beer can
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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