On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
