every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
