"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
