The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
