He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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