I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
