if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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