okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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