You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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