i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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