She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
