There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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