my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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