I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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