If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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