i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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