I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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