I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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