maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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