my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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