Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
