Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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