sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.