I will die if light touches me.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's allergic to latex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.