Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway