I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
