you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin