Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet