it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
