my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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