i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
