sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is Oprah even human
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
