I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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