Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
