You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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