I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize