Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
