I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
