Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
