We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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