CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wish there were birth control emojis
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
