He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
