I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
