I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
