Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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