How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize