afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
