I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
