Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
