I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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