Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
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Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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